I’ve had a good day. I am in a good place. I’ve felt an emptiness though. Thought I should write about it.
I WANT A LOVER TONIGHT
There are moments when the air around me catches fire and I am oblivious. My mind is focused elsewhere. The days have passed outside The Castle but inside the days are magically shorter or longer than all others. I spend a lot of time either writing or reading; I use this laptop while sitting in my recliner. I place it on my lap and in that comfortable position words fly from my fingers to the keys. The music library stored in the laptop playing. Tonight is like this. I have been listening to my music library and a series of songs have been playing while I have been sitting in the recliner. The compositions randomly selected by the device have conspired to put me in a mood of nostalgic reflection.
The tunes softly transport me along the highways of Louisiana from Lafayette and Baton Rouge to Jackson, Mississippi. I have sweet friends in both states. Lucinda Williams’ vocals address a lost love reflecting a similar history I have there. Lost loves are the most poignant for me. I miss my old lovers. I regret the losses even though I flourish in my privacy and independence. That is the hook in my mouth for most of my life. The tension of independence to dependence on companionship.
Tonight the music and the quiet surrounding my cloud, the day’s activity, whatever I’ve read, the comfort of my situation and messages from friends, everything has conspired to ignite the air around me without my notice. The air is filled with sex and desire and long kisses, the kind that reach all the way to my middle to put a little stabbing pain just under my heart. A little bit of a rush tingles and lingers. It is a sweet and hurting realization that I am alone inside my independence and privacy. I want a lover tonight. I want to feel her body close to mine with arms and belly and lips pressed to her. That would feel so good.
G. M. Goodwin
18 December 2015
Playing Fair and Being Kind 