DO YOU LOVE ME?
There are some questions that cannot be asked. The one that comes to mind immediately is “Do you love me?” It is a question that is loaded with angst and dependence and the need for validation. The need begs and indicates that the person asking is not in a good place and that is just the beginning. The question usually brings an uncomfortable pause in any interaction. The interrogator bares their soul, opens their chest for a dagger, and the respondent has to take in the words and begin processing such a combination of timing, set and setting, the tone of the words. This takes at least three or four seconds. If the response is something like “Of course I do!” it is obvious to both parties that the answer is too quick and that there is no authenticity involved. If the two or three second pause after the question is extended by another fraction of a second then the interrogator has an emotional meltdown immediately.
No matter the style of delivery of “Do you love me?” However cavalier or off-hand it is presented, if it is sprung on the respondent without a lot of prior conversation “Do you love me?” can sit in mid-air like a huge matzo ball.
When this happens the next action or words can either ignite a shit-storm or begin a journey of introspection for both parties. If everything is handled correctly (fat chance) then perhaps the following conversation will ensue. I’m using healthy people in this scene.
“Do you love me?”
Head turn, eye contact, anxiety, elevation of blood pressure.
“Yes, my love. I love you. Why do you ask, darling?”
“I’m just feeling a little vulnerable and alone.”
“Here, let me hold you for a while.”
“Purrrr…purrrrr..”
If the people involved in the scene are like me or most of my friends this is what I suspect will happen.
“Do you love me?”
Cringe response, extremities flush and fall off, brain goes blank.
“Uh…what? Look! A volcano!”
Further discomfort and anxiety goes supersonic.
“You don’t love me!”
“I fucking hate you!”
What follows is a minimum of 3 days of silence and/or passive aggressive behavior.
The End
I await comments or total shunning and ridicule.
Playing Fair and Being Kind 
Boy, that all sounds so familiar … For me the question never led to a disaster, but a very discomforting situation, feeling defensive. Wish I’d thought of “Why do you ask?” etc. Perfect. Well done, George. ~ Robert
_____________________________
* * * *Turn differences into gifts. * * * *
The question has always led to a resentment that I couldn’t shake. Thanks, Robert. Good to hear from you again.
I wrote a long rely to this and lost it. (Sad little monkey face.) I’ll recreate it later.
Let’s count all the sad little monkey faces we’ve generated and stack them all on top of each other. We can then crawl and climb our way to the moon. Of course I’m not too sure I want to go there but just the same…