Playing Fair and Being Kind

Triggers are funny in that they intervene in a variable sense. Humans are such complex creatures in that our moods linger and flare and play around with us so that the slightest intervening variable will trip up the whole mess in an instant. Something happened today that altered my mood tremendously. I’ll not get into it too deeply but I will tell a story to illustrate what I’m thinking about. Here you go.

THE SURRENDER

A lost art is that of conversation. At least as far as my humble opinion goes it is lost. Social media is a poor substitution. I think many of my older friends have escaped Facebook to seek more satisfactory relationships nearer to where they reside. Once in while I will dial up someone to chat; just to hear a voice that I recognize. Part of my desire lies in the fact that I live alone and comes the time for company no one is around. Everyone is all ready busy, tired, or in bed. No one answers the phone anymore. Not always the case but often enough that I get a recorded message that so-and-so is not available that I almost stop trying.

I tried Skype a time or two and that can be frustrating. It takes a lot of scheduling and coordination to accomplish that hookup. Sometimes I forget that I’m in my underwear as do the others. It can be clumsy. Plus, you never know what can be seen by the other people. Too much anxiety for me.

Back to conversation; I have a few younger friends who are really good at it. There are also those who do not have the disposition for it. Fine. I still don’t have a regular supply of people who will join in with me. Tomorrow I am meeting with Marilynn for lunch in Portland. What a treat that will be. Marilynn can fill my needs for talking. She has been around for nearly as long as I and we share the same politics and many of the same interests. I look forward to seeing her.

Another factor regarding the loss of my telephone activity is age. Most of my best friends are gone. Don’t ask me where. I just know that they are gone. I’ve been trying to reach an old friend to ask her about some particulars for a story I wanted to write. The request has to do with her late husband. He was a character with so much to tell. I enjoyed sitting with him. He was muleskinner during the second World War. He’d whittle and carve and build little wooded camp scenes with driftwood and pieces of glass and stone. They were quite beautiful. When he was much older his wife called me to come to their home, which she designed and built, to clean the chimney and repair the wood stove on occasion. I tried calling her but the number I had wasn’t working anymore. Today I googled her full name and read her obituary instead. That made me sad. She died a year ago in April and I wasn’t aware. 

A long time ago when I was brand new in a self-help program I kept fighting the elements of a social situation. Finally in desperation I said, “I give up!” Not my favorite strategy for living but in times like these I need to just surrender. Hence the title of this post. I am waving the white flag to signal that I am not going to fight it anymore. What I will do is continue to stay involved with life. Continue to be fair and to be kind. That attitude always keeps me in tune.

So I call people to talk and hear their voices but the opportunities are coming limited. What I would love to have happen is for someone to call me. I would answer the phone. When I heard the other person identify themselves I would say, “NAME! What a pleasant surprise. It’s nice to hear your voice. How are you?” That’s what I would say. And then we would pass a part of the day saying things to each other that indicated we cared. And that would keep me happy for quite a while.

G. M. Goodwin

24 July 2016