Playing Fair and Being Kind

I’ve not written anything for quite a while. The reasons are my own. Things have been slow and in the past few days suddenly I am busy and involved again. The Alternatives to Violence Project work has been re energized, re vitalized, and my best attribute of organization has been re awakened. The projects in New Mexico and in Maine are humming again.

So it seems that the thumb twiddling is a thing of the past and with that my interest in story telling has returned. Here is a story that has been in my head for a long, long time. My friend from my days on the USS George Washington Carver ended his life in the late seventies. It happened shortly after I visited him in Hawaii. He’d been promoted to Senior Chief Petty Officer and I was honored to pin his new devices on his collar in a ceremony. A few months later I heard of his passing. He was a terrific shipmate and a brilliant mechanic.

Here’s the story.

DANNY

Danny stood there, feet spread, and wondered what to do. His head was pounding and he wasn’t able to collect his thoughts. His wife was out of the house. He was trying to remember where she had gone. She had told him but he couldn’t remember. Danny continued to stand still in the middle of his living room.

In the twenty years he had been in the navy Danny had risen through the ranks swiftly. Except for a couple of years of broken service. That’s when he’d worked for a company that utilized large earth movers to strip mountain tops and gouge canyons into the earth in search of minerals. Danny maintained and repaired the monstrous machines. He’d become skilled with the machines, the mission, and the overall success of the operations. Danny was a valued employee. When he decided to go back into the navy Danny easily convinced the recruiter of his worth. He reentered the navy with his old grade as if he’d never left.

The only problem Danny had was being a good husband. He didn’t know that for certain. He thought he was good enough for most anything but the results contradicted his sense of reality. Danny’s reality did not match his experience with those around him. This contradiction caused him a great deal of confusion and emotional pain. His wife was as confused as Danny but she held him responsible for his actions. She was tired of the emotional labor she suffered keeping him connected to the real world. Their marriage was crumbling; had long ago crumbled. In spite of all the successes each had the failure of their marriage was evidence that they could not be together. Both were miserable. They needed help, had sought help, but the stresses associated with Danny’s submarine service prevented a consistent, sustained plan to improve relations.

Danny and his wife had argued bitterly in recent days. She was exhausted and Danny was unable to dialog with her. The situation was compounded by the schedule of deployments of the submarine. Danny was required to be on board later this day to ready the systems under his leadership. He couldn’t spend any time with his wife today. He needed to get his sea bag ready. He needed to find all of his uniforms and gear and move aboard the submarine before dinner time. The ship was leaving at dusk for a sixty day patrol regardless of Danny’s marriage difficulties. Danny and his wife be damned. They did not figure into the equation of war and peace of the country and the world.

Danny stood still in the middle of the living room with his pistol in his right hand and his feet spread. He couldn’t face his wife any more. She was clear in her disgust. He saw the unmistakable indications of her unhappiness with him. Danny had had it. In the moments before she arrived home from the commissary and before the kids got out of school Danny had to make a decision. He needed to do what was best for all. It all boiled down to this. Danny’s world had ceased to make sense and nothing he could think of would make things better. He decided in the few moments left to him that living was not an option left to him. He heard the car pull into the carport next to the house. The engine noise ceased and he heard a car door close. Danny but the pistol into his mouth and began to weep. His wife came through the door. Danny looked into her eyes for the last time.

G. M. Goodwin

18 November 2016