Playing Fair and Being Kind

IF IT DIDN’T HAPPEN…

Then what did we eat?

While I was in Vero Beach living for a few days at Olga’s and Tom’s house we all experienced an evening in which reality left us for vacation and, in its place, we were entertained by a person who could only be an alien. And not just your average, every day alien. This alien was also a shape shifter. A shape shifter, as far as I know, is knowledgeable and capable of trickiness beyond human capability. To catch on to the nuanced events and conversation leading to that point where the alien shifts into another being takes focus. But focus is not paramount in a setting such as we found ourselves this evening when Olga, Tom, and I decided to take a night off from the kitchen and find a place that would serve us and take care of us.

I promoted myself to entertainment director in that I wanted to find a place that would serve me vegan fare as well as satisfy the others’ more common tastes. I decided on pizza. Tom helped me to locate the closest and best pizza parlor. A place within a few miles of the house popped up on the google map and we packed ourselves into Tom’s Mercedes and cruised on over. Before we left I had called the restaurant and was delighted by the voice on the other end of the line. A young sounding woman assured me that we could find a quiet corner of the place to sit and relax for as long as we liked. She also mentioned that there was a rowdy crowd of patrons using the outside patio area but they would be leaving probably before we arrived. Armed with this intelligence we confidently charged off.

We arrived and I, acting as host of our small party, approached the most obvious person in the place who might be our maitre d’. A young thin woman with an armful of menus greeted us with such grace and joy that we immediately felt at home. As she took us outside to the patio area she announced that she was ‘Crystal Lynn’. The patio had been abandoned by the previous rowdy patrons and was now totally empty but for us. The atmosphere was wonderful. Kitschy but perfect for the weather and the time of year. The whole outdoor area was covered by an arbor with trailing vines providing spotty cover and strings of colored lights which offered a gentle glow and warm color to everything. The three of us felt thrilled with the atmosphere.

Crystal Lynn handed us menus and joined in with our banter regarding the beauty of the patio, the tables and chairs, all of the charm of the place. Tom commented on her name and accent as part of the region she said she was from; central Florida. Crystal Lynn told us in her beautiful drawl that she was from a small place off U.S. 41 between Newberry and Archer. We all were chatting and soon it was evident we were in the right place. Perfect choice for us!

Olga ordered a large salad and a glass of Chianti. Tom and I slices of pizza and beer. I made sure that Crystal Lynn understood what it meant that I was vegan and that I wanted no cheese on my pizza. She displayed an uncommon grasp of everything we talked about. I wouldn’t have guessed she was from the back woods of central Florida. Everything about Crystal Lynn indicated a superior mind and exceptional and rational quickness. She was extremely fun to be with.

Our food and drinks came soon; the place was quiet and comfortable. The noise from inside the restaurant was also diminished. Customers had been leaving regularly, cars parked near us but out of sight had been rolling out of the lot. The sky was now dark and we could see stars brightening through our canopy of leaves. I commented to Olga and Tom how the place gave me the feeling I’d had in St. Croix many years before. I’d been partying with shipmates when we’d visited the island during a shakedown cruise on a nuke submarine. We had tied up at Frederiksted. A few of us were sitting around a table in a private court yard that doubled as a cocktail lounge. It was located along a back street in a pleasant neighborhood. There were arbors with flowering vines and a couple of bars where we could serve ourselves. A party of local socialites were situated near us drinking with the owner of the establishment. We behaved well for submarine sailors. In fact the locals would occasionally stop by our table to join us in conversation. The feeling was relaxing and opulent at once. I felt like I could stay there forever. That memory played out again at the pizza parlor on the patio in the presence of Olga and Tom and Crystal Lynn.

The air was balmy and sweet and the company was loving. Crystal Lynn, I noticed, was paying more attention to me after it was established that Olga and Tom were a couple. I was flattered but at the same time it was obvious that Crystal was being attentive only and I was happy for it. She had the kindest eyes and the shape of them would shift slightly when she and I became locked in conversation. There was a different light and her pupils dilated to the point that I was filled with comfort and felt fully listened to.

After a while we saw less and less of Crystal and then the door to the restaurant opened slightly. The open door made all of us look that direction in anticipation of Crystal returning to check on us. What we saw was a burly man with dark hair and a chef’s hat. Only half of his face was visible and he was peering at us as if to see at what point we were with our meal. When he saw us look in his direction he slowly and deliberately closed the door. This happened several times. The door would open slightly, the man would peer at us and then slowly close the door when we took notice. It was strange but we became slightly entertained by his behavior. We continued to eat and drink and chat but each of us began to cast looks toward the door to see if he was observing us.

Then the door opened more and we could see the man was dressed in all white and it seemed he was the pizza chef. He opened the door wider and looked over his shoulder while wiping his hands on his apron. He seemed to be communicating with another person out of sight and behind him. He turned to us while standing in the doorway and fixed us with his dark eyes. How are you, he asked in a firm Brooklyn accent. Fine, we all replied. He appeared to relax and began to step through the door toward us.

Hello, he said, I have a few minutes so I would like to welcome you and find out more about you. He seemed very professional, polite and, now that he was out in the open, interesting. We were not prepared for the conversation that ensued. He told us his name,George, and that his uncle was a retired agent for the CIA. Still living. The conversation went from curious concern for our well being to an open monologue about his life and all the things he knew. At first we were humored with some of the bizarre comments and stories but George kept up his talk and did not seem to hear our comments or questions to him. His stories included claims of superior knowledge of extra-terrestrials and their flying devices. During this whole monologue George would go back inside and each time he would reappear with props, photos, or other pieces of evidence to display the legitimacy of his commentary. During his brief absences the three of us would look at each other and express our various feelings toward poor George.

At one point George was showing us photos of alien aircraft and other aircraft that he claimed came from his uncle’s files that were secret U.S. Experimental warplanes. With each photo George described the weapon system the aircraft carried and what is was capable of. All during this performance we never saw Crystal Lynn and I, for one, began to pine for her return. George left for the inner part of the restaurant and a few moments later, much to our relief, Crystal Lynn returned with her usual sharp, bright, beautiful and loving self. What a relief. I asked her for our check after we had discussed how great the food was. Crystal disappeared.

George returned with another item. A block of Lucite. Trapped inside the Lucite was a block of wood carved intricately. The carving was of the bust of a Native American. The carving was inside the Lucite and the block of Lucite looked like any other that I’ve ever seen. George claimed however that the Lucite was not Lucite but another top secret material his uncle had all of the documents for and had taken the bust of the Native American, which George had carved with a penknife when he was five years old and encased the bust in the classified material. By this time I was losing patience because many of the claims George made, as well as some that I haven’t mentioned, seemed beyond belief and too off-the-wall. Then George pulled out another photo of an aircraft that he claimed was experimental. I recognized the aircraft right away. It was a stock photo I’d seen many times online of a Navy F-18 breaking the sound barrier near ground level. There was a ring of vapor caused by the compression of warm moist air around the aircraft as it approached the speed of sound.

George was going on about this was a classified picture of a death ray being generated by the pilot of the airplane that would vaporize any enemy aircraft that came near it. That did it for me. I didn’t say anything but I’d had enough. I was ready to call it a night and I could tell my friends were of like mind.

I asked George if he would ask Crystal Lynn to bring us our check The hour was late and we were ready to head home. Sure he said and left to go inside to arrange for our check. I was still pining for Crystal Lynn.

George returned almost immediately. He mentioned that he himself drove a BMW automobile. He added that he drove to work at a hundred and thirty miles per hour to avoid speeding tickets. He nodded his head toward the parking lot to indicate his Bimmer was right out there. By this time I was saturated with George. Olga and Tom were still humoring him and sharing stories of Italy and other places they’d all been to. The door opened and out came a new person we hadn’t seen yet. A handsome man was bringing the check on a small tray. I was disappointed that Crystal Lynn was not coming with the check. More than disappointed to be honest.

The man with the check on the tray approached me directly without even asking who to give it to. I was now alert to my surroundings because of George’s bizarre behaviors and my internal fears surrounding the events of the night. The man with the check had a pleasant face and when he smiled I saw he had a gold tooth; I guessed it was a gold cap. The tooth reminded me of an old friend from my Navy days who’s name was J.J. Johnson. He had a gold tooth right in front with “JJ” carved into it. I always admired that tooth of J.J.’s. This man reminded me of J.J.

I accepted the check from the man and when his eyes met mine I felt extremely comforted and loved. His eyes glistened with his smile and they held mine like he was my best friend. I felt very warm toward this guy and he placed the tray with the check on the table next to me and left. He disappeared through the door into the restaurant. Tom asked to split the check but I insisted it was my treat for Olga’s and his warm hospitality. I was beginning to feel more relaxed after the man’s interaction with us. I signed the papers and included a good tip for the service from Crystal Lynn.

We all got up to leave. George, by now, had returned to the restaurant. Olga, Tom, and I left by the outside exit next to the parking lot. As we got into the Mercedes and pulled out onto the highway I noticed ours was the only car in the lot.

Of course during our drive home we had to debrief regarding George and his great wealth of information that we had just been fed. We agreed not to return. I would never see Crystal Lynn again. The next day I drove by the location of the pizza parlor and of course it was not there. Instead of the pizza parlor and the charming outdoor patio with the arbor and decorative vines and lights there stood a vacant storefront with dirty plate glass windows. I got out of my car and peered at the interior to see old counters lying about on their sides and nothing much else. A flashback of Crystal Lynn and that was it. Back home I went. During the ride back to Olga’s and Tom’s house I reflected on how we never saw Crystal Lynn and George together nor Crystal and the man with the gold tooth.

G. M. Goodwin

8 March 2017