Many years ago, perhaps while I was in middle school, I heard a tune being played from the electric organ my mother used professionally on stage. We were traveling with a wonderful stage review hosted by the George A. Hamid-Morton circus. See here:
http://www.circusesandsideshows.com/circuses/hamidmortoncircus.html
Those years formed my body, mind, and imagination for the rest of my days. The song I heard was the theme for a woman who performed on the slack wire in a beautiful costume and with great athleticism and style. The music was slow and passionate;
“Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered”. A lovely and romantic tune that has stayed with me forever. With the opening phrase, “I’m wild again, beguiled again…” a deeply felt regret pushes up and takes over my emotions. I’m done. Every love I’ve ever felt shows up to be counted and recognized. My failures at love all make muster. Oh, the pain.
This trip home has been difficult. I’m in love without a chance to win at it. I’m bewitched, bothered, and bewildered as well as scattered, solo, and slightly scared. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. I fell for someone who is far beyond my abilities to attract. I’m done.
I’ve been preoccupied with other things as well that I want to write about. In no particular order are:
Giving: The art of being generous and anonymous.
Being a helping person: How to apply the skill of attending using patience and tolerance.
Apologizing: The art of saying you’re sorry with conviction without conditions and with no self-pity.
Teaching: How to include the people who show up to be taught into the part of teacher. Being the student and the teacher so that there is no oppressor/oppressed situation.
Ally: How to be an ally without drawing the energy toward one’s self. Being quiet, out of sight, and helpful.
This road home has been testing me in ways that are good; productive and healing. I want to keep feeling this regret and loneliness. At least that is what my mind tells me to say.
Peace.
G. M. Goodwin 12 April 2017
Playing Fair and Being Kind 
George, it’s a complete privilege to read your blog entries. Your self-honesty is uncommon among us humans, and sharing it with us is singularly exceptional. Here’s to healing, and self-recovery.
Thanks, Lynne. Privilege is easy to find for some of us but you are pointing out a different kind. We share gifts all along the way. To hold back is not nice.
g
Hi George, Thank you for your important thoughts which make me think as well! About love, yesterday I was reminded again how lucky I am to be in love and to be loved completely by my wife! Cheers, Tom
Thanks for your comment, Tom.
Peace, g