I try to be a good ally. That means just keeping quiet but attentive unless shit is coming down then stand up for those you are allying for. But be sure not to get in the way of their thunder. Here is a post from a few years ago. Make sure to click on the link for the “how to” part. Thanks.
Ciao.
EPIPHANY
An epiphany has come to me. I hope I can explain in such a way as to convey the feelings, the depth of the feelings and the insights that this epiphany delivered. The epiphany came to me in the early hours as I lay in bed, thinking about events of the recent past and letting the thoughts linger and then pass.
I began to reflect on a response I’d made to an associate regarding an email containing a list of men’s rules to counter the perceived assault from women and their rules for men. I had been offended by the email from the associate and had sent a counter message detailing the ignorance of men in our position and how we are perceived within this rape-culture that has been in existence forever. The message contained in the link I’d sent him was, “Shut the fuck up!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyFsqi_lA6w
I sent this to him after a good deal of thought. He is in a bad place, a family tragedy is unfolding, he is stressed by his job, he is dealing with anger and self doubt and more than I can imagine. I wanted to ignore the email and the message of male response to female anger but I came to the conclusion that to accept my associate’s message was to perpetuate a lie that has continued to oppress. After a day of careful consideration I sent my response and thought, what the hell. I need to take a stand and hold the line or else I remain part of the problem and part of the effort to keep women oppressed. With these words in my head my mind continued to wander through related scenes.
My mind settled onto a scene of privilege and uncaring practice. I envisioned that I was in a new place and order in this scene. No longer a tall male of European descent, I was an observer; I was a witness to the situation that has existed for centuries; male domination generally and white male domination specifically. The domination that has prevailed through brutality and maintained by constant shaming, humiliation, and lies. The suppression and oppression of women, people of color, and other people who are not angry and aggressive enough to get their way. These are the elements of the scene and what I was coming to clarify in my mind while I was lying in bed. The feeling(s) most salient was horror; the horror of fresh realization that I was the purveyor of unkind, uncaring, and cruel behavior that caused deep fear and suffering and distrust in those who are unable to defend themselves. It is a form of constant bullying and harassment.
The picture that came to me was how I was a constant source of trouble to anyone who was not male, tall, white, descended from Scots-Irish/British people. The email from my associate was a continuing attempt and action to maintain the oppression of women. Here it was so blatant and obvious. Bingo! The thoughts that followed were disturbing as well. Previously my privilege, my self identity, prevented me from seeking answers to situations because I was comfortable in my setting. I was generally selected by the hierarchy because of my appearance. I have rarely been restricted in my efforts to improve my situations. The conditions have prevented me from caring, kept me blind to others’ stressors, and insulated me from life. I am still a very, very stupid/ignorant human being. But I have opened my eyes a bit more and now I am gaining a new perspective.
The seemingly simple, gentle humor of men of privilege does not look so harmless any more. It is very harmful to a population that has suffered the oppression of ages. Each little joke or sly wink and a smile to engage people who have been oppressed is like a razor cut over and over each time. We tall, white males have no credibility but we think we are very clever. We have lived a lie forever and there are now people who are calling us on our bullshit. We as a group/population have no answers except to reiterate the old lines, the clever inside jokes that kept us propped up in our own minds. The jig is up. It is time to change. I suggest shutting the fuck up. One cannot learn anything new as long as one is talking. We need to listen to the women and to the black people and to those we have humiliated and oppressed forever. If we don’t we will not die because we are dead already. I for one need to learn as quickly as possible how to stop hurting others. I don’t want to be hurtful, ignorant, uncaring. Anymore.
G. M. Goodwin
31 July 2015
Playing Fair and Being Kind 