“I am what I am, and that’s all that I am.”
― Popeye
There are no eternal facts, as there are no absolute truths.
– Friedrich Nietzsche: Human, All-Too-Human
“Blood is thicker than water…”
-Somebody Who Didn’t Know Better
GOODBYE NOTES
(Part dos)
To the fella I locked eyes with at the truck stop in West Texas that late night – early morning last year. You were with a gang of roustabouts. I wish we had not been too involved in our own miseries to stop and pay homage as fellow paranoids. I saw you before you saw me and then you saw me seeing you. It fucked you up royally and I am so sorry this happened. I know you and now you know me. I saw the hate in your eye, the stiffening of your back and how you laughed a little too loud but clutched your pre-packaged sandwich in your fist. The canned drink in your other hand nearly exploded you held it so tightly. I am sorry but that is who we are. I know you. I looked away but too late. We would probably be best uncomfortable friends forever. Goodbye, best-friend.
To the Chinese guys who worked at the pool hall in Rota, Spain who were paid to listen to Submarine Sailors while we played at the tables. You were there to listen to anything we might accidentally or recklessly say about our operations and missions. I wonder what in the hell you could have heard us say? We never talked about anything but beer and pussy. Did you know that? We’re Submarine Sailors for fuck sake! Goodbye. I’m sorry you had such a shitty job.
To the three Destroyer Sailors I hustled on Granby Street in Norfolk. You were nice guys and easily convinced that I was too. Thank you for cashing in that money order I stole from a real prick dead-beat on my boat who owed me money. You guys were so eager to help and I was a creep hanging out waiting for you to show up. I survived and you did too so it was not a bad thing, right? Goodbye, guys. Innocent lambs all of you. I hope you all stayed as nice as pie forever.
To the 2nd class petty officer who worked in the print shop in my R-5 Division of the Repair Department on USS Hunley. . I’m sure you haven’t ever forgotten the interaction we had on board during our transit from Guam to Australia that night at sea. I happened to climb to the O-2 level to take a look at the South Pacific sky. I smelled burning weed and there you and a couple of other sailors were, standing by the port side railing. You didn’t see me approach until I was just about ten feet away and then you jumped out of your skin. It must have been my uniform hat that gave me away. You jumped and flipped the joint overboard. You snapped to attention. I said to you, “You’re doing something wrong and you know it!” I left you like that. I walked away into the dark. You were a good guy and you never mentioned it to me as I never mentioned it again to you. Goodbye, Sailor. I know you did well.
To all of my blood relatives who I don’t really care for. Blood is not thicker than water. That is a bullshit idiom that ought to die forever. It is an excuse that has interfered with good relations outside the family for generations. Can you imagine how many fruitful relationships that have ended with it? Can you imagine how many lifesaving, life altering, life ending scenarios that have never ever happened because of this pimping, duty bound bullshit utterance? Goodbye, you mindless assholes.
To my friends who have suffered because of the above note. Please forgive me. I will return again and again to our possibilities and cringe each time I remember you. It is not time to say goodbye to you. We are not done.
To whomever was driving that pretty black Dodge Challenger on I 10 between Lake City and Tallahassee. Thanks for the race. You’re a good driver. It’s the first time I had this SAAB up to a hundred and ten. I figured you’d back off when we hit the century mark. I’ll bet you didn’t think my 900 would go that fast eh? I enjoyed the whole thing. Goodbye. Stay on your own side of the road and all that stuff.
To several close people whom I have disappointed in recent years, months, weeks, even days. I regret some of the stuff but I also need to let you know that “I am what I am, and that’s all that I am.” I have done terrible things and I know it. I have destroyed relations with some people who had higher expectations for me. I have done wonderful things and things that caused endings. Get over it. Goodbye.
Finally, to my temporary pet hound dog whom I met in Galax, Virginia when I was but a lad traveling with my musician mother. I was so in love with you. You were my first dog that I really cared for. You were no problem for a whole week. You came to our tent and hung with me and let me pat you and talk to you. I trusted you with secrets and wishes. Thanks for being such a great pal. You were the prettiest hound dog a boy could wish for. Goodbye. You might be the only reason I’ve hoped there might be a better place than here. Here’s an ear scratch for you.
G. M. Goodwin
16 May 2018
Playing Fair and Being Kind 