Playing Fair and Being Kind

ARE YOU GLAD IT HAPPENED?

“Are you glad it happened?” I wasn’t ready for it. It was not directed toward me. I was a bystander in someone else’s drama but I caught the weight of the words. The words were delivered lovingly; the questioner was sincere. They were truly curious regarding the event which the other person was relating. “Are you glad it happened?”, left their lips. The simple phrase slipped between my ribs and pierced my heart. Why did this catch me so off-guard? I think the basic answer is that I wanted something similar to happen to me. Something to make me glad. I wanted to be relating the event to an audience who would want to know if I was glad it happened.

A kaleidoscope of images rushed past my eyes. I had stopped all other senses. White noise filled my head. Speeded-up movies flashing in sepia tone across the screen of my mind. Faces of dear friends, lost loves and deep relationships; catharsis, broken hearts and lost opportunities. They all paraded before me. I was having a moment. I forced my mind back into the present. My defenses were now all in place. What had happened? Was I glad it happened? No. Not now anyway. I felt the failures and disappointments of the past. The errors in failing my friends, of selfish decisions that changed the path toward this day.

I checked out and turned away slowly. I saw a chair across the room and walked toward it. All that was going on in the room faded. I sat in the chair and leaned into the cushions. I needed some time to connect with my life. The images were now in my memory and I could choose which I wanted to examine. Cautiously, one by one I brought them up into my conscious and let them tell me their story. I listened closely, avoiding the editing that would invariably take over. I just listened and remembered and honored the thoughts that flowed. When it was as done as much as I could deal with, I found a new sense of meaning and presence. I was gifted with a more accurate narrative. I was filled with gratitude and a better understanding of who I wanted to be. I was glad it happened.
G. M. Goodwin
May 2, 2020