Playing Fair and Being Kind

IT’S ALL RELATIVE, CLARICE

Clarice sat in her car waiting for the bloated, urgent feeling to subside. Or rather she sat and hoped it would. She had been driving for hours, nibbling on nuts and chips and sipping water from a travel cup. The nuts and chips and water had no place but further to go into her digestive tract on top of the sandwich Clarice had eaten at six thirty that morning. It was a bagel with black olive cream cheese and lox. It was delicious.

As she sat in her car waiting for the discomfort to subside she sipped a little bit more water and then thought how she was probably adding to the problem because she knew that when she stood up many things would begin to happen. The most fearsome thing to begin to happen would be Clarice’s GI tract would begin to respond and get active. Clarice knew from experience that after a long period of sitting any movement after standing would send signals throughout her body and that her bladder and bowels would be anxious to rid themselves of their contents. She had waited too long to make a stop to visit a rest room. Now she was in a jam. Clarice felt the gut rumbling and roiling while her bladder was feeling the pressure from the inside load of churning and processing.

One other thought crossed Clarice’s mind. She recalled how her mother would always ask her if she was wearing clean underwear. That was in case she got into an accident of course. Heaven forbid anyone see Clarice in messy or torn underwear. Clean underwear was the way of civilized people who walked the face of the earth. In case of an accident of course.

The Connecticut Transit Company bus traveling the M route from West Haven to North Haven through New Haven was on time. Sunday evening, almost six o’clock and most of the Yale students were home. Hardly a soul was out on this warm evening in early June.

Clarice had stopped her car in the spot reserved for the M route bus. She didn’t know this. The bus stop sign was obscured by the early summer leaves of the oak tree growing in the vicinity. Clarice had chosen the parking spot because of the tree and the quiet of the street. She needed to relax and let things rumble themselves to sleep before she dared get out of the car and seek a rest room in one of the small cafes that were still open along Orange Street.

The M route bus was moving quickly along Orange Street. The driver was trying to pace the speed of advance in order to maintain a route schedule. The driver’s options were few because a schedule was published and needed to be accurate enough to use by the general population as well as the Yale students. The driver did notice the the pace needed to be quickened because traffic lights were working against the bus. A little more speed was required to get back on schedule.

Clarice was feeling a bit more comfortable and decided to exit the vehicle and make a smooth but rapid transit from the parking spot on Orange Street to the coffee shop that was adjacent to the P&M Orange Street Market. The thought of the clean underwear was on her mind. She was not presently concerned about the bloated feeling and the urgency of needing a toilet but that all changed in a heart beat. I’d like to report that the bus only took the door of the vehicle and missed Clarice altogether. It would be nice to announce that Clarice made it from the vehicle to the coffee shop in one piece. Actually Clarice made it to the coffee shop in grand fashion. Her concerns about the clean underwear, her bloated bladder and her clogged GI tract all arrived at the coffee shop together nearly in alphabetical order. Not exactly how the New Haven police reported it. Clarice was DOA. Her underwear was a mess.

Optional ending

Clarice was feeling a bit more comfortable and decided to exit the vehicle and make a smooth but rapid transit from the parking spot on Orange Street to the coffee shop that was adjacent to the P&M Orange Street Market. The thought of the clean underwear was on her mind. She was not presently concerned about the bloated feeling and the urgency of needing a toilet but that all changed in a heart beat. I’d like to report that the bus only took the door of the vehicle and missed Clarice altogether. It would be nice to announce that Clarice made it from the vehicle to the coffee shop in one piece. What did happen was a bit more involved. The bus rammed into the back of Clarice’s vehicle and pushed it up the block like a cue ball. The bus came to a stop alongside Clarice. Clarice was stunned but unharmed. That is except for the messy underwear she now possessed. She wasn’t even aware of her condition until she arrived at police headquarters and then it was all out in the open anyway. The worst that could happen, according to Clarice’s mother , had happened. There was nothing Clarice could do about it. Still she got a ticket for parking at a bus stop.

G. M. Goodwin
6-6-2016