Lashing out and killing is easy; a no brainer. Just do it and move on to another phase of lower self-expectation. Fists and back-hands are swift and to the point but only if the point is buried in resentments, fears, doubts. Warriors claim it is an acquired skill. Not everyone can do it. It just takes a lot of practice I’m told.
To honor life and limb is so much more difficult; more involved. To honor life takes patience, self-love, love for extended life, poetry, song, deserved comforts. Honoring another’s safety comes naturally, however. This is a condition we have from the beginning. It takes work to forget. Another trait that is necessary for honoring life, love, and peace is humility. Can you imagine the arrogance required to ignore life, love, and peace? The arrogance of false pride?
I am reminded of the seven deadly sins. I learned about these in the twelve-step program of AA, Alcoholics Anonymous. To state them is as close to confession as I’ve ever been. These sins are front and center all during the self-appraisal carried out by the serious member of AA or any other self-help group I’ve known. The self-appraisal is known as a personal inventory. What is the score we individually rate ourselves in regard to our discontent with living wholesomely? How do we measure up in our own critical mind in all the shades and flavors of pride, greed, lust, wrath, envy, gluttony, sloth? On the surface it seems to be an exercise in humiliation, self-deprecation, excessive criticism of one’s self. It is not. We measure our progress as human beings honestly, fearlessly in order to cast off the burden of dishonoring the worth of our lives as well as the lives of those around us. It is a most honorable act if one is sincere about living a life of peace and love.
To honor life is a quest. If misplaced, it can be reacquired. A constant use of the mind. It refines minute by minute through indirect reward. That is the point isn’t it? There are no parties, disco dancing, no fooling around. The results are primarily seen in clear complexion, toned muscles, healthy hair, nails, teeth, eyes. Battle scars disappear, soften, fade to brown. If I sound like some aging Pollyanna don’t be alarmed. I know there are situations that will point out our humanity, shake our resolve, push our buttons. I am not declaring a perfect response to the act of a self-appraisal, our moral inventory. I am saying that we must and can move toward a better attitude in taking small steps on a regular basis. We can improve by using that old adage, “Practice makes permanent”. Here I must announce that practice does not make perfect. That is not true. If we practice wrong things what does that do for us? Perfect? Practice makes permanent therefore we need to discover, at our own pace, what and how do we want to be and then practice the steps toward incorporating those skills into our persona. Take as long as we need to. We are not part of a grand contest but we are in need of improvement so perhaps we should feel some urgency about the rate of accomplishment.
I have been in both camps. I choose to honor life. Not always easy since I miss being violent sometimes. I miss the rush of adrenalin brought on by violence and then my stomach turns and my brain kicks in. That is what is different now in my life. The nausea of being disgustingly violent while the brain observes the inhumane behavior and results are not the payoff I want. The time saved to get to the ‘point’ is wasted. Change continues and comes so slowly to test my intent, my sincerity. Fear not. It refines. It refines and comes along. Don’t be in a rush.
The goal is to give up hurting others and ourselves. Leave room for others to be who they are without judgment from us. In turn we will begin accepting our own selves just as we are.
I wish to live in a world where violence is reduced as much as possible. I know conflict is always present because of who we are and how we live. Conflict is normal but the resulting violence is not. Don’t be afraid of conflict. There are places to learn how to deal with conflict in ways that are satisfactory to both sides. Learn those and practice them.
This is all I wanted to talk about. It is plenty, I’m sure. I welcome questions, comments.
G. M. Goodwin
2 April 2, 2021
Playing Fair and Being Kind 