She Had Me at “Insufferable”
I arrived in Wildomar, California early in the morning of March 26th. I’d been run out of Borrego Springs by the winds the night before and my next scheduled stop was Neeley Whyte’s digs in a pretty part of the world, the Inland Valley region. I had a few hours to kill before Neeley could meet me so I found a really neat set of trails in a regional park, Santa Rosa Plateau. Later on I wandered over to the library, one of many in the Riverside County library system. This one is known as Mission Trail Library.
One constant oasis of relief across the country for me has been the system of libraries available in the towns. Not so much the books, stacks, soft chairs, or artful exhibits I believe the relief derives from the personalities who work there. I’ve found the individuals share a quiet reserve and confidence in their position of guide in the world of books and information. I will always look for the library in town if I have a few minutes to spare.
My final thought on libraries is this. All of the libraries I’ve visited have been well used. I thought they would be extinct due to the internet and search engines that have been improving over the years. It seems that libraries have co-opted these other sources of information by including them in the basic structure of availability. With the inclusion of desks and comfortable seating with electrical outlets nearby and high speed wi-fi more people are flocking to libraries than I’ve ever noticed. And they are using the books as well. Celebrate!
I finally meet Neeley and her family. The children are open and inquisitive, the pets likewise. We introduce all around and then I settle in. Neeley has obtained a marvelous item called “memory mattress”. It is packed in a roll that looks like an oversize duffle bag. When released into the atmosphere it pulls air into its cellular structure and becomes a queen size bed 12 inches thick. The feel is very comfortable. Firm and supportive; the mattress will make a divine sleeping surface. I am given one of many rooms as a private retreat.
I spend time with Neeley but her job is new and she is wowing the management there. They have discovered her great skills in communication and leadership. As a result I get little time with her after our initial introduction. I am not dismayed at all. I see her in action at work during a brief visit. She is in charge. Neeley has so much going for her which I knew from our brief encounters on Facebook. Anyone who encounters her is in for a big surprise. Neeley is patient and loving. She will allow those around her to make mistakes but once she gently corrects the situation one needs to know she will not relinquish the new expectations. One needs to keep up with her. Neeley is on the move and one must pay attention at all time. I found her to be a delightful companion; brilliant, loving, fun, and tireless. My greatest compliment I could give anyone is that they would make a good submarine sailor. In Neeley’s case she would make a hell of a submarine skipper. I love her dearly.
During my stay in Wildomar I have many opportunities to sample the food at various eateries in the area and in surrounding towns. I am only eating one meal per day and I take it alone while I am exploring the surrounding countryside and visiting old friends in Coronado and other beach communities. My regimen of one meal per day is working as well as walking when I can. My belt is getting looser! I revel in this happening. My weight has been a concern for the past year. Knee and shoulder surgeries have slowed down my activities so that my regular eating habits have gotten the best of me and I’d gained unnecessary pounds.
I’ve had time to reflect on my travels so far and through seeing the life style of this part of the country I’ve concluded that I miss Maine. No other way to put it. I love my little spot there in the cold Northeast. I had a wave of homesickness wash over me recently so I enjoy the realization that this journey is fulfilling one of its requirements. I am reinforcing the need for a gentle pace and privacy. While here I also wrote a piece for my friend who lives in Louisiana. She and I share a love of privacy so I told her when I wrote about her that I would keep it unpublished but since then I have felt a need to put it up in print. With her permission I did that as a post on Facebook and I will repost it here now.
LOUISIANA
Louisiana has given me a feeling of caring I haven’t had in many years. My new, dear friend is temporarily limited in motion and range. She moves carefully, gingerly, her face hiding the discomfort of recovery. I try to not stare too long. It’s hard not to. My friend is extraordinarily beautiful. In a short time we have learned some things from each other. Our frequent chats have become revealing and comforting.
My feelings for her are not complicated. They are simply sweet and joyous. I have learned that feelings don’t need to be acted upon; just enjoyed. She has expressed her needs for independence and privacy and I find we share in those traits. When I tell her my stories, adventures, dreams she is supportive and holds me gently in her world. I try to do the same for her. I enjoy listening to her tell me about her life’s adventures. I detect a thread of sadness as well as traces of loss in her tales. Beyond the stories she tells I have seen a great deal of courage and strength in her actions.
In the past few days my way of seeing her has shifted somewhat. First my next door neighbor and now a source of comfort and tenderness. Now when she moves, leans, reaches, sits, reclines I notice her lines, shoulders, hips, legs, hands. I now quietly admire so much about her; her voice, face, fingers, toes, hair, gestures, eyes to die for, and the proper pronunciation of Natchitoches. My friend is growing on me. I wish for her nice things and smooth paths to tread. I want her to be pain free and strong and supple and capable of total physical being. The things I don’t need to wish for her are beauty, grace, patience, tolerance, or loveliness.
So, to my dear friend; let’s enjoy what is available. Let’s share more tales of adventure and more fears and more dreams. Let’s continue as before. Let’s continue this “Bon Chance”.
George Goodwin
March 9, 2014
Another piece I needed to gather and repair was my relationship with my son Mark. Mark and I have a great deal in common and whatever we have between us is extremely complex and extremely delicate. We are damaged, sensitive, and capable of hurting others. So much is involved; so much to be considered and to relinquish.
One day, with more than a bit of anxiety, I called his phone number and after a series of messages we connected and arranged a meeting. Mark and I met, made our necessary comments, listened. The tension was high but it was obvious we both wanted forgiveness and the permission to forge a new way to relate. Since that day we have talked, messaged, and Mark has even brought his two beautiful daughters to a lunch date with me. I cannot describe the relief and love I feel.
During the past year I have made friends with quite a few people on Facebook. This activity is fairly simple if left as it is; make friends and with a comment or two learn a bit about them. However, it is also easy to make friends and then forget they are on your list and then they linger in the hazy background of Facebook exile. There are 5 people I particularly have enjoyed trading comments with over time. It just so happens there 5 people are gorgeous women and they all live in the same region of California. I told them all over the past few months that I wanted to meet them all together and have a party or cookout with their families. It seemed a natural progression but actually it is a unique and rare action in today’s fast moving culture. Well, we all met! And it was so fun and so entertaining. One woman couldn’t keep the schedule but she was able to meet with me and one other of our gang who lives near her. Talk about treasure and great finds! I have now gained life long and very close allies. The women and their children are now a part of my close family. We hug and smile and laugh and talk about anything. I love my life.
By the way, Neeley helped me with the logistics and coordination of the meeting.
I stayed at Neeley’s house for nine days; my limit is usually three days. Today I left. I haven’t felt good for the past few hours knowing I would have to say goodbye to Neeley. Before I left I sat on the edge of her bed while she was waking up and gathering her thoughts and getting ready to face the new day. We chatted quietly during this process. Neither of us was animated but we were able to mumble about this and that and the other thing; nothing substantial. Then she broke the ice by saying she was sorry I had to go. She said this with tears and effort. I listened to it with tears and equal effort. We hugged and held on for a few moments.
Here I have to editorialize a bit. I have left many people over the years. I was in the military for 23 years where friends always got transferred, discharged, promoted out of jobs, died. I left lovers, wives, friendships galore. I never want to have to look at Neeley’s face again during a goodbye. I was a mess inside but I used my experience at goodbyes to have closure with the nicest person I have ever met in my life. We parted but I didn’t know what was coming.
I got into the car and headed down the road of life as I always do. I stopped at the quick-stop next to I 15 for a cup of coffee and then got on the highway. During the drive toward San Diego I heard the phone chime and I saw I had a notification on Facebook. I guessed what it could be and I dreaded looking at it. What a fool I am. I picked up the phone and read the message. If ever I get an award for best human being in the world or the Medal of Honor or the red badge of courage or the Medal of Freedom I will never ever feel as loved as I did when I read Neeley’s parting message to me. I got the best message from the best submarine skipper I have ever known.
I share it here:
“I’m sad that George has to move on to the next part of his adventure today, but excited to hear what the next part of his journey will bring.
I haven’t known George very long but I consider him among my closest friends. If I was allowed to be selfish I would make him move into the house next door to me so we could enjoy night time conversations near a fire pit.
If you have the opportunity to befriend him, TAKE IT! His humour, insights, and wisdom are priceless.
I love you, George.”
George M. Goodwin
April 4, 2014
Playing Fair and Being Kind 