Playing Fair and Being Kind

ME, MYSELF, AND I

The back of The Castle has shown rot in a floor joist that is next to the sheathing. Rain water has infiltrated the skin of the structure and since it is the shady, or northeast facing wall the microbes have been having at it for some time.

This year I wanted to get a home improvement loan from the bank to cover a rebuild and remodeling for this portion of the house. That seemed simple enough considering the adverts from the bank that were showing up on my email feed for months. The words they used made me feel like a millionaire; I was promised a breezy and low interest ride from one state of being to another. I planned a remodel of about forty thousand dollars and spent the next three weeks in close conversation with the agent assigned to me. By the time I hollered, Uncle, the procedure included a home inspection, a septic inspection, a crawl on hands and knees to the Veteran’s Administration, and a couple of other humiliating and debasing encounters.

Initially, my loan would have been fixed at 2.3%. What a deal! Not so fast, Junior. For many seemingly logical reasons I was denied ‘that kind’ of loan. I was shuttled off that track onto a more winding one. Many days later I was offered nineteen thousand dollars at a much, much higher percentage rate. It was a basic signature loan which is exorbitant for this project. The financing became impossible and I had to back away from the loan desk.

My age and condition dictated that I have someone else do the labor but after the loan debacle guess what? I got healthier fast. And I got younger fast. Money does wonders and so does the lack of it. I have taken on the role of ‘home repair guy’. There remains a trace of age and condition limitation but I have found a solution. I will take my time.

 To compound things there have surfaced three separate characters in this endeavor to effect repairs on The Castle. They are Me, Myself, and I. Me works while Myself second guesses and criticizes Me’s work habits and energy. I often needs to intervene and mediate differences of opinion. Myself can be a real sneaky prick to Me. Me gets rankled easily by Myself but is learning to stand up to Myself. I has been able to keep the two from coming to blows. The characteristics of Myself often resemble those of Tlazolteotl a goddess of the Aztecs. So in my mind, as these tableaux play out, the visual of Myself is this picture of Tlazolteotl.

I have written a piece about this situation which I have inserted here.

SUPERVISOR (UNINVITED)

He comes out from under the house and coils the power cord. Sawdust covers his face. He lays the cord on the floor and begins to pack away the power tools. He is weary so he is stopping.

Tlazolteotl murmurs into his ear, Why are you stopping?

He didn’t expect her. He feels belittled.

She asks him again, Why are you stopping?

He is a little nettled by the question. Actually he is resentful and murderous to his core. But he can’t show her.

I’ve done enough for now, he says.

She relaxes, happy with her ability.

He senses the power play so he says, I want to think about what I’ve done.

Tlazolteotl smiles smugly.

He looks directly at her. I need to think about what I’ve done so I know where I am going.

She becomes quiet and fades away.

G. M. Goodwin

7 July 2015

So, each day, according to the agreement between Me and Myself, and as recorded by I, each day I do one thing to progress the job of The Castle repair. Hopefully I will be able to include a photo of the advance I’ve made today.

More will be revealed.