Playing Fair and Being Kind

ALL BY MYSELF I SAY GOODBYE

I can’t say goodbye. Not yet anyway. The attachment is too strong and it hurts to give up, or give in. I’m having trouble putting this behind me. The game has been played beyond salvaging. I couldn’t turn back when it was necessary. I had to extend the play beyond what it would take to win. Round after round after round the odds increased the chance of failure. I didn’t care. Just keeping the damned thing in play was what mattered after a while. I can’t win. So what?

Each opportunity to end this mindless repetition passes and I know I am lost in a downward spiral. I play my cards and the game takes me deeper into the losing column. My needs are becoming distorted and I’ve lost track of any original meaning in this encounter. God, I need help!

Time is fleeting and I am locked into this march toward hell. I try and I try but I always think one more try will bring a turn around of the direction this has gone. I just need to shut it down and walk away. I need to get into the shower. I need to get on with my life. I need to move! What is it I am missing in my own person that this hellish game feeds? I just don’t know. I just don’t know.

I strike the red X and I see the message “What do you want to do with the game in progress?” I click “Don’t Save” and begin to weep.