Playing Fair and Being Kind

Yeah, how about 3 days of darkness so dark you could feel it. So I should not complain. I don’t know what the groundhog will tell us hoomans today but it couldn’t be as bad as plagues of blood, frogs, lice, pestilence, boils, hail, locusts, death of a child, or flies. In fact weather is weather. So what! It’s not climate change (global warming!). Besides that February is one of the snowiest months of the year in places where it snows.
I’ll admit that snow in February is cruel. It’s been cold this winter and the snowfall is not that extraordinary. It’s the combination of many days of cold where the temp’s are hovering near zero for weeks at a time. This is the month when those in the know quietly pack the car or the suitcase and fall in love with southerners. Old friends who live south of the Mason-Dixon Line look more attractive. Couch surfing in Dixie here I come.

I’m not a fan of the groundhog-in-Pennsylvania annual event. But I do think groundhogs are kind of sweet. Driving the Maine turnpike in Spring one can see them chewing on grass along between the shoulder and the treeline. Better than crocuses almost. A sign of Spring and Winter is just about over the hill. Any snow after this part of the year is considered “poor man’s fertilizer”.
https://freepressonline.com/Content/Columnists-Top/Columnists-Top/Article/Home-Garden-Poor-Man-s-Fertilizer/125/723/50513
So I might finish my coffee and head back into the bunkroom for six more weeks of snoozing. I might wait until the world sees what Punxatawney Phil comes up with.

I’ve included an old poem written in the ‘confessional style’ below. I like the memory that is stored in it.

Have a pretty day, even it it’s snowing and the plows are blocking the driveway with berms. Peace out.
G. M. Goodwin
2 February 2018

AN OLD AND TRUSTED FRIEND

A love letter

This feeling won’t subside,

Yesterday the ‘blahs’,

Guilt filled ‘blahs’,

No explaining, no avoiding,

Just… gloom and doom.

What’s the name I’m fumbling for?

Gloom, doom, depression? A feeling of…what?

A feeling of Dread!

That’s it…a feeling of dread!

Make one interpersonal fucking mistake and watch,

Old acquaintances show up,

“Fear, Doubt, and Insecurity” find my

number and give me a call,

“Just checking in! How’re things?

Still not drinking? Smoking? Good…a heh, heh”.

Yeah, just like old times.

Today a new feeling – Wednesday – I see my

Therapist – I go in with ups and downs,

What I come to see later is

Ups equals Downs…same guy, same face

In the mirror – ups and downs live in

The same place – the root of the up

Lies next to the root of the down,

More than cousins – more than siblings –

In fact the up is the down inside out,

Take off your sock – turn it inside out

And put it back on. Within a minute

You can’t tell the difference – same thing,

Walk around,

Sock unseen but feels just like it did before.

But right now I feel the energy I

Didn’t feel yesterday – yesterday I upset

A close friend – I saw it unfold in a

Flash – first she tolerated me and my kidding

And I

Pushed a bit further – little boy being cute,

Bullying, power over women, who knows?

She revolted, gave me daggers and I

In jocular fashion took control –

What a dick!

She responded, rejected

Under her breath and walked off,

What a bitch! I thought – boy is she

Fucked up…shake my head knowing full

Well we mirror perfectly.

This is what I discuss with my therapist –

She helps me with processes underlying the

Behavior – I examine my true concern and

Love for my friend – my needs to control,

Be in charge, criticize, tensions that disturb

My cool,

Damage the moment with women,

There it is – “Fear, Doubt, and Insecurity”.

Later I find my friend –

She spots me-

We have a few moments to prepare due to

Other interactions,

The space opens for us and

She courageously approaches –

Her opening remark forces me to hide a weep,

“Good haircut, George. You look nice”.

G. M. Goodwin

July 3, 2013