Playing Fair and Being Kind

Inspired by a look-up of “marcusean”.

Capitalism, industrialization, and consumerism run like rivers swollen with storm water overflowing their banks. The spillage and flooding into the surrounding plains are easily identified with flea markets, yard sales, and landfills, the delight of future anthropologists. The people, the communities, attached garages, and storage closets are the back-rivers and coves at high-water marks.
The systems are failures and there are no solutions compatible with their existence. The end.

Here is a story of a friend of mine. Just a few months before this story took place I visited him in Hawaii. I happened to be doing deep water work off of Kauai and my unit was in Pearl Harbor for minor repairs. He was on a boat making patrols out of Pearl Harbor. He’d invited me to attend his promotion ceremony; he’d been promoted to E-8. He wanted me to pin his new Senior Chief anchors on his collar. I told him I would be proud to do so. So we did it. It was a poignant ceremony. My friend was both pleased because I was there with him and also he seemed very tired and worn out. He was generally sad most of the time. We talked a little and I learned that his problems ran deep. His marriage was not in a good place. A day later I left to return to Kauai. I never saw him again. I learned of this story about a year later.

DANNY

Danny stood there, feet spread, staring into space, and wondered what to do. His head was pounding, unable to collect his thoughts. Marsha was out of the house. He was trying to remember where she had gone. She had told him but he couldn’t remember. Danny continued to stand still in the middle of the living room.

In the twenty years he had been in the Navy Danny had risen at a normal rate through the ranks. Except for a couple of years of broken service. That’s when he’d worked for a company that utilized large earth movers to strip mountain tops and gouge canyons into the earth in search of minerals. Danny maintained and repaired the monstrous machines. He’d become skilled with the machines, contributing to the mission and the overall success of the operations. Danny was a valued employee. When he decided to go back into the Navy Danny easily convinced the recruiter of his worth. He reentered the Navy with his old grade as if he’d never left.

The only problem Danny had was being a good husband. He wasn’t cognitive about this issue. He thought he was a good husband but the facts contradicted his sense of reality. Danny’s reality did not match his experience with those around him. This incongruity caused him a great deal of confusion and emotional pain. Marsha was as confused as Danny but she held him responsible for his actions. She resented the emotional enervation she suffered having to keep him connected to the real world. Their marriage had long ago crumbled. In spite of all the successes each had the failure of their marriage was evidence that they could not be together. Both were miserable. They needed help, had sought help, but the stresses associated with Danny’s submarine at-sea time prevented a consistent, sustained plan to improve relations.

Danny and Marsha had argued bitterly in recent days. She was exhausted and Danny was unable to dialog with her. The situation was compounded by the schedule of deployments of the submarine. Danny was required to be on board later this day to ready the systems for which he was responsible. He couldn’t spend any time with her today. He needed to get his sea bag ready. He needed to find all of his uniforms and gear and move aboard the submarine before dinner time. The ship was leaving at dusk for a sixty-day patrol. Danny’s marriage difficulties would have to wait. Danny’s and Marsha’s situation be damned. They did not figure into the equation of war and peace.

Danny stood still in the middle of the living room with his pistol in his right hand and his feet spread. He couldn’t face Marsha any more. She was clear in her disgust. He saw the unmistakable indications of her unhappiness. Marsha had had it. Danny had had it. In the moments before she arrived home from the commissary and before the kids got out of school Danny had to make a decision. He needed to do what was best for all. It all boiled down to this. Danny’s world had ceased to make sense and nothing he could think of would make things better. In his mind, Danny was out of options and could not think of another solution. He decided in the few moments left to him that living was not an option left to him. He heard the car pull into the carport next to the house. The engine noise ceased and he heard a car door close. Danny but the pistol under his chin and began to weep. Marsha came through the door. Danny looked into her eyes for the last time.

G. M. Goodwin
18 November 2016