Dear Diary:
August 12 – Moved into my little house in Trevett. It is so beautiful here. The view of the back river and islands is stunning. The old pine in the front yard is enormous and certainly represents the great state of Maine. I look forward to the change in seasons. If there is a heaven this is what it must look like.
October 26 – I’ve been here more than two months during one of my favorite seasons; Autumn. The leaves along the river are turning and the mix of soft and hard wood trees just makes my mind spin with the glorious sights. I’ve walked along the trails of the land preserves on Sawyers Island and Barters Island. So peaceful and welcoming! I happened upon a deer at Porter Preserve and what a start I had! When the deer bounded through the trees it was magical. What a powerful and agile animal! This is like paradise.
November 2 – Deer season opens this week. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Maine. I hope it snows soon. I love it here!
December 3 – I awoke to a lovely blanket of snow! The gloom of night was fading as the pale light of day break arrived. I could just make out the outlines of familiar shapes dressed in lovely snow. Absolutely gorgeous! The pine tree out front is stately in its placement by the driveway. My neighbor came out later to shout a joyful greeting to me. We chatted a bit about the morning and as we did the snowplow passed by and we exchanged waves with the driver. His plow blade was making the snow fly like a tidal wave and we had to dodge the white stuff. It made me laugh! What a grand display of winter and I am so lucky to live here. I needed to find my snow shovel and clear away the berm across the driveway that the plow driver gifted me with. Ha ha!
December 5 – More snow! A picture post card is where I live. Another berm from the snowplow guy. What a character he must be. Love, love, love it here!
December 15 – More snow. – I am out of bread and milk but I’m not worried. I’m exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow driver!
Dec. 21 – More of that white crap coming down. I’ve got a sore back and my posture is forever shot. I need a different shovel. The one I have is too large. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I’m done shoveling the driveway. I’m going to get his name.
December 25 – Merry fucking Christmas… I can’t believe how snow we have now. I can’t see my mailbox and the mailman has been tossing my stuff onto the hedge near the road. The snow is too high for me to see if any cars are coming when I exit my driveway. The snowplow prick is really fucking with me now; I know he is. Who trains these guys anyway? Meanwhile my neighbor has been using his snowblower and all his snow flies over the fence into my yard. The wind coming down the river has piled drifts on one side of my yard and blown the ground clear on the other side. WTF?
December 28 – Three solid days of snowfall. I have no toilet paper. I drink my coffee black and I’m making cornbread with no eggs or milk. I feel like a goddamned pioneer or something. I’m not enjoying this back to nature shit at any level, thank you very much. I’ve stopped shoveling and I can’t even see the plow go by anymore. Probably a good thing considering how hateful that bastard has become to me. I listen to the radio and the weather man says to expect another ten inches. Holy fuck!
January 1 – Happy Fucking New Year! My neighbor called to tell me that he drove his 4 wheel drive to the pizza shop and that he got groceries. I told him to go fuck himself and hung up the phone. The nerve of that cocksucker.
January 4 – I left the house today. I shoveled a little path out to the road. I hitched a ride to the Hannaford in town. Of course I had to walk all the way back to Hodgdon Island. The snowplow driver passed me and honked his horn but didn’t stop. Prick motherfucker.
January 27 – Warmed up and rained yesterday. “January thaw” it’s called. The pine tree in the front yard caught hell from the weight of the ice in its branches when the weather turned cold last night. The candelabra shape of the tree is no longer. Two of the larger limbs broke and came down on the roof of my little house. What a cluster-fuck this has become. I think the car got it too; can’t tell from here. Grim.
February 19 – My birthday. I’m 77 years old and I wonder if I’ll see 78. Slim chance. I’ve bought a plane ticket out of Portland to Miami via Atlanta. My passport is still valid. I want to go to San Juan or Cuba. Fuck this shit. I’m done. I put the house up for sale and my neighbor behind me is interested in assuming the mortgage. I just want out of this fucking place. Who in the world would live in such a place. I need to go someplace warm and get my mind back. Sayo-fuckin’-nara.
Playing Fair and Being Kind 
Love this so much! I still remember my parting words as I left New Jersey for North Carolina: “If I never shovel another driveway, it will be way too soon!” (It wasn’t a particularly poetic farewell, but I think I made my point 😎.)
Hi, Lou! This is one of those examples we discussed a few days ago of taking a piece of writing and modifying it to fit one’s own experience. I can’t remember the scource, unfortunately, but I did replace most of the lines and customized the setting and various characters. I softened the language a little as well (joke!). It’s good to see you. Great profile photo!